Schezariende

Liebes Leben,

2012-01-29T11:26:00.004+07:00

Put papers in your briefcase and drive away
To save the world or go to work, it is the same thing to me

I hang on every word you say
You'll smile and say, "How are you?"
And I'll say just fine
I always forget to tell you I love you
You've got a busy day today, go save the world
I'll be around

Complicated, irrational
But I hope someday you'll take me away and save the day
I watch you fly around the world
And I can't hear one single word they say
And you'll leave, got places to be, I'll be okay
I'm far away, I'm lovestruck and looking out the window
I always forget to tell you I loved you from the very first day

I swear, I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground when you come back down

Cause I've loved you from the very first day

Why

2012-01-12T21:13:00.001+07:00

She cares, that is her problem.

First Door

2012-01-09T19:34:00.011+07:00

In our quest for happiness and the avoidance of suffering, I believe we are all fundamentally the same, and therefore equal.
― Dalai Lama

Firstly gonna say a late happy new year. :) We met January again. How was your day? Mine actually was not good. Sick, as usual. The other doctor said that I got stress (stress of what???), so I got hypotension and this chronic stomach disorder was getting worse. And, I accidentally found balls under my right breast few months ago, been trying to ignore it. Then, I made an appointment with the surgeon for the first time, kinda scared me a little. Still hope nothing happens.

Today was also the first day of school after holiday. I fell down from stairs and it hurt my bottom, not my very first experience by the way. But the good news is: I'll be absent tomorrow. Yeay. Oh, and my allergy, on my skin, was relapsing too. Not a good day, huh? Now, it is enough for complaining.

I got some troubles but they won't last
I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass
And pretty soon all my troubles will pass
So I just lay back and laugh at the sun
Yesterday it rained in Tennessee
I heard it also rained in Tallahassee
But not a drop fell on little old me
If I had a million dollars or ten
I'd give to ya, world, and then
You'd go away and let me spend
My life in shoo-shoo-shoo Sugar Town

(Zooey Claire Deschanel - Sugar Town)

We have our own portions of happiness, dear. Don't ever worry. :)

Plato

2011-12-30T10:05:00.006+07:00

Introduce you, her name is Plato, she is dutch.

LOVELY!

Source.
P.S.
Thanks to Nadya Nurul who told me about this! :)

This Winter

2011-12-23T09:03:00.003+07:00

Poster by Mahardika Prima Nugraha & Sandy Indriana

P.S.
The official trailer is coming soon on this blog.

Sebenarnya Sebuah Cerpen

2011-12-18T14:32:00.002+07:00

Entah sudah menit keberapa aku duduk di sini, 30 cm di depan layar monitor. Entah sudah berapa jenis yang terputar di pemutar musik. Lantai bawah terasa ramai hari Minggu ini karena arisan keluarga yang hari ini diadakan di rumah, disaat aku baru saja teringat akan tugas cerpen yang belum kukumpulkan. Deadline adalah 3 minggu yang lalu, pasti hanya aku yang belum mengumpulkan. Betapa tak enaknya perasaanku pada guru Bahasa Indonesiaku yang sangat baik itu, Ibu Wiken, beliau sudah mulai mengingatkanku akan tugas ini semenjak ujian akhir semester berakhir, pada saat itupun aku sudah terlambat.

SAS akan ditutup beberapa hari lagi sedangkan aku masih saja duduk di ruangan ini, sendiri, hening, dengan secarik kertas putih bersih di depanku. Aku bahkan masih belum mengetahui apa yang akan kertas ini bicarakan. Ketika datangnya tugas untuk menceritakan pengalamanku selama aku menempuh ilmu di SMA 39 ini, aku terdiam. Otakku memutar kepada memori-memori selama hampir 3 tahun ini. Manakah yang kira-kira akan ku tuang? Aku tidak bisa berpura-pura lagi, meskipun aku tidak suka sekolah, saat renungan ini aku sadar betapa sekolahku itu memberiku banyak sekali pelajaran. Bukan, bukan pelajaran yang seperti itu. Aku bahkan bukan termasuk murid teladan yang terbiasa belajar, mungkin waktuku dalam belajar serius selama ini bisa dihitung dengan sepasang jari tangan ini. Jari tangan yang saat ini tidak tahu akan menuangkan kata-kata apa. Tapi, pelajaran hidup yang berharga, tersirat, bahkan mungkin kamu perlu waktu entah berapa ratus hari untuk merasakannya.

Pelajaran pertama ketika pengambilan keputusan, seluruh keputusan. Keputusan terbesar yang pertama kuambil mungkin saat pemilihan jurusan 2 tahun lalu. Betapa hati ini menginginkan sebuah kelas bahasa, yang bahkan tidak ada di sekolah ini. Menurutku, bahasa adalah kunci dari segalanya, dunia dapat kita genggam dengan bahasa. Ditanamkanlah bahasa itu, dan lahirnya sebuah komunikasi. Awal dari sebuah kehidupan. Tanpa adanya bahasa, tidak akan ada ilmu-ilmu sosial, apalagi eksakta. Pendapatku masih sama, namun dikarenakan keadaan yang kurang mendukung, pilihanku beralih pada kelas ilmu sosial. Tetap saja, sosial, komunikasi adalah yang kuanggap penting dalam hidup, untuk masa depan nanti. Entah bagaimana, aku menghabiskan waktuku selama hampir 2 tahun ini dengan duduk di bangku sebuah kelas ilmu alam. Lucu, bukan?

Aku selalu beranggapan tidak akan ada yang sia-sia dalam kehidupan yang sudah dijalani ini, meskipun bahkan sebuah keputusan yang tidak tepat. Aku mungkin akan menggunakan ilmu yang seratus delapan puluh derajat berbeda dari sudah kupelajari selama 2 tahun ini untuk bidang kuliah dan maupun pekerjaanku entah berapa tahun lagi. Namun percayalah aku dengan kata-kata guru fisikaku, Pak Maurid, yang mengatakan bahwa tidak ada ilmu yang tak berguna.

Sekali lagi, menit-menit terbuang dalam proses perangkaian kata-kata yang indah untuk cerpen ini, jari-jari tangan ini masih menari, namun masih tidak tahu tarian macam apa. Abstrak. Menghasilkan seuatu yang tidak jelas, namun berbentuk, meskipun hanya akan ada beberapa orang saja yang mengerti.

Galeri kehidupan yang masih terekam jelas di otak, terproyeksikan oleh sepasang mata ini. Terlalu banyak memori yang tidak dapat dituangkan. Dimulai dari saat pertama kali kaki ini melewati gerbang sekolah, menyerahkan berkas, sampai akhirnya resmi menjadi seorang siswi berseragam putih abu-abu. Dimulai dari saat berusia lima belas, seorang siswi yang merasa susah dalam beradaptasi, hingga sekarang, dikelilingi oleh orang-orang yang dapat membuat lengkungan di bibirnya tertarik membentuk kurva yang indah.

Detik ini juga, ketika para penduduk barat berkata "high school never ends", pada saat itu juga kepala ini akan bergerak ke arah langit dan bumi, dan hati ini akan berkata iya. Ujian nasional akan dimulai tidak lebih dari 5 bulan lagi. Betapa roda sangat berputar dengan tidak lambat. Seragam putih abu-abu ini tidak akan lagi menemani 5 hari dalam satu minggu. Ya, aku mengakui sesuatu baru akan terasa berharga ketika sudah kita tidak dapat entah melihat atau melakukannya lagi.

Dan selalu adanya perjuangan sebelum meraih akhir, pada semester 5 ini misalnya, berjuang melawan ujian akhir semester, yang akan disusul dengan remedial dan pengumpulan tugas-tugas yang belum dikumpulkan. Dan aku sudah sangat terbiasa dengan ini semua. Sudahlah, jalani saja.

Under the Blanket

2011-12-12T15:57:00.003+07:00

She believed it was about 2 years ago. When all the roses in her garden died, she decided to move from the lakeside to the hill. The place where she wished it would be appeared again. God, how could she wanted more with no efforts? She just wished. Until she finally got her first wand, she remembered how she hated it. The day when she cursed everyday, swung her wand to everything. It couldn't even make her rose garden back, it even killed her unicorn. At last, she just thought that she couldn't be adapted to that hill. She blamed on everything as if she weren't the one who made the damage.

But everything has happened, she just regretted that she didn't use her wand wisely. Realized the past can't be returned and also not a good place to stay, she mustn't forget it has taught her. And when she is lucky enough, she will not waste the second chance. She has to fix it by herself.

Take a look at her now.
And then, at her past.
Her past isn't her. You must be met the different person.

2011-12-06T15:32:00.003+07:00

I love you, Dor. Semangat UASnya!

What Mother Teresa Said

2011-11-02T22:07:00.006+07:00

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.

Oh my God, today is November already. I'm now the 12th grader, in senior year, I'll face the national exam right in front of my face, and how sometimes I hate my―uh, how to say it? Too-relaxed-life?―yeah, whatever it is, I feel like I'm glued on my bed.

You may say I'm crazy.

Beside I don't care about my grade, I do care about my German course. I never study that hard for my school and I feel like ZD is a thousand times scarier than the national exam. I don't―okay, haven't―take any of course yet, but I take a kind of a private exam preparation course for ZD instead, since Goethe-Institut Jakarta can't open the new class for my level in this quarter.

Okay, now I obviously am.

I'm a little bit proud by the way, only 5 of 12 that passed the B1.1 to B1.2. I remember my first day, March 2009, A1.1, so many classes were opened everyday with ±24 students there. Until my latest class. Only 12 students (the minimal) and only 2 Saturday classes (morning and afternoon class). I swear that I've never been like this before, maybe because it is the one and only that I have no pressure at all―soon, my college life, amen.

And for some people who are still wondering whether I get scholarship or not, no. All I know, Germany doesn't give any scholarship for bachelor (S1 in Indonesia) and I don't use any of agents to make it easier. I believe my efforts will be paid properly. Insya Allah, next year I'll be going to Deutsche Internationale Schule, gonna take the W-kurs at Studienkolleg here instead in Germany, after all the considerations. Then, I'll be living there soon. A ZILLION TIMES AMEN. I'm begging for prayers from all of you, good people. :)

Love,
Caesa

P.S.

"When I was a little girl. I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales, you meet prince charming and he is everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales, bad guy is easy to spot, he is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then, you grow up and realize that prince charning is not as easy to find as you thought. And you realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he is not easy to spot; he is really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair."

There you're right, Taylor Swift.

De

2011-09-27T22:39:00.008+07:00

Sunday, 25th of September
I heard―very late―news that you got an accident. I wasn't that shocked at the beginning, stupidly―that is still us, right?―I took it as joke, I laughed when Di cried when she was in a call with me. Then, I just knew your condition. A sudden tears ran out of my cheek, I called your sister, I can't even breathe properly at that time. I called Ma, she also cried, we cried over you. Wasn't that wonderful, De? You might be laughed when you read this.

I always hate it when I hear that someone is in coma. I extremely hate it. But now? You're, De. I haven't got any experience like this before in my life when people I love have to deal with death. Okay, I also hate that word.

Monday, 26th of September
I was in a mess when I woke up. Ma also said that she didn't sleep all night. I had been thinking of you, De. Was that hurt? Di kept saying she had a weird feeling about you―we know she is pretty creepy―I tried to ignore her. I wanted you to open your eyes. De, you knew how I hate you when you acted like you were the most miserable girl in this earth, please don't because everybody cares about you and they love you. All of them asked me all day. I kept contact with your sister. Planned to visit you with Di, Ma can't come in because she was still on the exam week, we went there with Vi. Actually all of our best friends wanted to come, but your sister said you need some rest.

I didn't know it was just me or that was so hard to go to the hospital. The road seemed so long. But we finally met your family. Your Dad told us everything. After met your Mom, we went to the ICU room. We finally saw you. We met you―
Oh, my God. Was that you? De? Di and Vi cried in front of you. I felt terrible, I can't cry. Like suddenly my migraine and asthma were relapsing.

I keep sending you those desperate messages on BlackBerry Messenger, on Twitter―and deleting it after that. And I think I'll not delete this post, so―
I miss our cat fight, by the way.

Tuesday, 27th of September
De, I just ended the call with Ma. We talked about you. We missed you. Today, my schoolmates asked me to come with them, to see you, again. And I didn't even know why I said no. De, I seriously feel terrible, I literally mean it. Come home soon, De. Ma and I are the only who have no weird feeling about you and never dreamed about you lately. So, wake up, De. You're already sleeping in almost 50 hours.

P.S.
De, listen, I want you to take me to the airport when it comes the time for me and Germany. I still want to do those stupid things with you. I want to introduce you to my fiancé. I want you to visit me in the heat of summer. I want you to be my bridesmaid. I want you to sit beside me when I'm pregnant. I want my children grow up with yours. I want us to take some silly pictures with our gray hair. I want―
sister, I love you and I miss you.

August

2011-09-07T18:42:00.001+07:00

Yogyakarta, August 31
Dear August,
She doesn't even know how to start it. It has been almost 2 months since she leaved home. She saved all the letters she has been written for, the unfinished and also the unwritten ones. Memories. And after all she has been through, the last chapter has already done, ready to be buried.

She doesn't want to ever look back. And now she is writing on her new page and she knows mistakes happen. August, what are you doing right now? You may think she is bulletproof but she is actually not.

P.S.
Selamat lebaran ya, kamu.

Night,
Schezariende

Listen,

2011-06-27T23:12:00.006+07:00

Pathetic people are people who can't do what they want to do, can't say what they want to say, afraid of being minority, afraid of being different, seem needy but such anti social, act like they want to be friends with them and them but don't have a good enough quality in a society, always say, "If she'll be going, then I'll go.", have no option, have no style like copy their friends and they think she doesn't get mad. You girls are more pathetic than the dorks you usually see in a teenage drama movie.
Never make a promise you know you can't keep even a simple one like, "I'll BBM you later." Man, you should know girls will always remember every single ones you did/said to her. Do you know a promise you can't keep or you don't know how to keep a promise? Or worse, you don't know you can't keep a promise.

Cess x

2011-06-25T12:29:00.004+07:00

"~~It is better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder.~~"

I know, in life, when one thing ends, something else begins and it'll always continue no matter you know it or not. But I hate for being disappointed. Less is still more, honey.

Grade 12

2011-06-24T22:31:00.016+07:00

Welcome, senior year.

CAESARIANDA NAIK KELAS LOH. NA-IK KE-LAS. ALHAMDULILLAH. Dan ternyata 39 '12 naik kelas 100% dan semester ini masuk peringkat 20 besar di kelas―iya, dua puluh. Yang penting naik kelas dulu lah, urusan sibuknya nanti dijalanin aja sambil dinikmatin. Ayo, memulai tahun ajaran baru dengan kembali berjanji nggak akan sobek-sobek kertas buku tulis. Semoga nanti kelasnya nggak dipisah sama Matador dan dapat wali kelas yang se-bunda Ibu Nikolarita <3

Cess x

Kintamani, Bali

The Letters

2011-06-20T23:53:00.015+07:00

January
I'll drink my hot lavender tea, wear my new silk night gown, then go to bed. Loving my new room now.

February
Here comes the gondola. Does it comfortable?

March
Thanks for the evening walks. Why that perfect sunset came when I didn't expect at all?

April
Help, I can't find my cage. I almost forget everything.

May
I seriously feel good. I can handle this paddle. I'm pretty sure it can't be over thrown.

June
I miss like everything. Fortunately, there is a box of chocolate beside the music box. Did someone send it?

July
Dear Bed,

I used to hover outside my truth, always worry of what I'd lose. Take away my record deal, go on, I don't need it. Spent the last 2 years getting to what's real,
and now I can see so clear.

When will I start something kind of spent-the-last-2-years? I just wanna be fine. Because I can't find the chocolate box and also lost my music box.

August
Wow, the bridge near to the florist was being built. I remember when you told me about that and I remember when people said, "If you don't wanna get wet, don't go to the canal." too.

September
This house is not as white as I moved here for the very first time anymore.

October
Porcelain doll, can you imagine if you were little Kathy who saw little Ruth kissed little Tommy?

November
Maybe I'm ready to decide which castle I will visit next week. I'll keep my pony in a good mood, so, tomorrow I'll wake and realize that is really a beautiful building with the lake view.

December
I have to ask some people to put this grand piano at the room beside the terrace. It'll be beautiful and it'll never block the way to the window. So, they can see the riverside directly.

January
I can't see the rainbow. It must be seen because the rain just stopped.

February
Honey, do you know? You'll always know a person wasn't that half bad when you found someone worse and you'll miss some feelings that you hate when you feel it, when you can't feel anything―
like this. My tea is getting cold already.

2011-06-13T20:24:00.004+07:00

"A fantasy helps you through reality and your destination makes it worth the while. If you can see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail. Believe, there is something good in everything you see."

Inspired by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus.

"So, when life gives you lemons, go make margarita and be ready with tequila instead of grumbling about how sour the lemons are."

2011-05-20T11:03:00.016+07:00

We can't lie and we can't hide because we are people, people are people and the natural law does exist in our life. Being one of those adaptable people is not always easy, I know, some people think they have to be a pretender or even a liar to force that natural law. Still, we can't live in the middle of lies. If you're not original, it means you can be replaced. Even Karen Millen replica bags with super quality, the buyers will rather buy the original ones, still. The quality is also not as good as the original ones, so, you have to think ahead.

Whenever you're getting mad with someone, better you look at the mirror first. Then, try to look at yourself by their view. Stick about the #39 rule of a lady in your head: Be kind, even to those who are not.

When life gives you lemons, go make margarita and be ready with tequila instead of grumbling about how sour the lemons are. Think before you speak, act, or choose to make it better. We're owning our life, run it, take it, shape it, or someone else will―then, you can't do what you want to do, it is pathetic. We can still on the road with our ways. And remember the #30 rule of a lady: Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." So, if you're smart enough, don't ever start it. And if you're good enough already, be kind, and then let's have a toast for the douchebags.

When Life Is Good and When It Is Not

2011-05-07T20:40:00.008+07:00

I always forgot about the date.

Got 5-5-4-5-5 on English Debate when the max score was 5. The topic was about Teenagers' Hedonism Life.
10 was my score on my first A2.2 LV and ±8 on HV.
A BILLION STARS FOR TAYLOR SWIFT'S MEAN MUSIC VIDEO.
It is been a week about this swinging mood thing.
Kinda have-something-wrong-with-my-brain by doing the task, but, it always distracted by people around you.
Started to learn some recipes.
Everything happened for a reason, with a reason.
I've never been felt like this before: Worrying about my school.
I was tweetless, but now, more tweetless.
Yesterday, there came the climax.
Maybe it would be a new great idea: If you treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.
A week holiday is in front of these eyes.
Had some chats and video call with my best friend. Talked about this:
I poured my fucking heart to you and you reply,
"Oh. Lol."
Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like, "Oh. Lol."
There was always unreasonable reason every time I was getting mad.
Bagless.
Learned something new: Trust is like a Mulberry Alexa bag.
Actually, I've been writing this post like few days ago. It was just can't be posted directly. I've been... Thinking.
Got news from Tumblr, you can also sign the petition. Help them, they don't deserve that death penalty just because they're gay, right? Yes, they weren't born that way, there might be something wrong about their process. I think it is just about the principium. [here]
I have one oral ucler on my right mandible, and another one on my left maxilla. Since like 4 days ago. I'm dying.

Here I am. Sitting in my bedroom, in front of this monitor, with shuffle playlist, eating fruits, and doing my night routine face treatment. Just like the another Sunday morning. Feeling better. :)

Princess Catherine - 2011, April 29

2011-05-01T20:36:00.036+07:00

You know what? William said, "Let's give them another one. l love you. One more kiss, one more kiss, okay," before kissed her for the second time. ENOUGH SAID.

Like a fairytale, huh?

Well, Prince Harry, you should marry me then.

Rewind Button

2011-04-24T22:25:00.018+07:00

It popped up in my head. Like... Just happened.

How could you choose the same stiletto even it has already made you fell down? Even when you have new wedges? Flat shoes? Pump shoes? Sneakers? Boots? Why is it always that one? Make it simpler, stiletto was the first thing which made you fell down, but you still put it on your shoe rack, you just put it. Then, you had another shoes and they made you felt like you were something gorgeous, when they can't be able to be used anymore, you threw them to the garbage with no guilty pleasure. Now, you're looking at the shoe rack again, wanting to use the old one, but you just can't.

Call me as an expert in theory. But I'm me. Feeling so like whipped cream tonight. Well, I'm trying to not, at least.

Good night

About Hurt

2011-04-15T15:52:00.028+07:00

You,
With your words like knives, and swords, and weapons that you use against me, have knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like I'm nothing. With your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded. Well, you can take me down with just one single blow. But you don't know what you don't know. Someday, I'll be living in a big old city and I'll be big enough so you can't hit me. And all you're ever gonna be is mean.

You,
With your switching sides, and your walk by lies, and your humiliation, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them. I walk with my head down, trying to block you out cause I'll never impress you. I just wanna feel okay again. I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold. But the cycle ends right now, you can't lead me down that road.

And, I can see you years from now in a bar,
Talking over a football game with that same big loud opinion, but nobody's listening. Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things, drunk and grumbling on about how I can't. But all you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life.

(Taylor Swift - Mean)

Either psychically or mentally, everyone has ever been hurt. Friends, strangers, family, best friends, boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't ever pray the bad things to come to them, you just need to pray for the best for both of you. I've ever got hurt too―of course, who doesn't?

I don't believe in karma. For me, karma doesn't exist. But I always believe that good deeds deserve goodness and bad deeds deserve wickedness. Maybe life is not always easy, but when you have God, everything is gonna be okay. God knows what is the best for us, the best thing is not always the thing that we love, right? God always has reasons and already has the bigger plan than we had for ourselves.

All you have to do is wait for the right time, the time for everything they had ever did to you to be back to them. Well, I'm a person who can't stand if I must hate people too long. So, when they show their fuckside, I just hate them at that time. If they hurt me once, I hurt once, then I'll be back after I recovered. Just let God convict them. I can see it now, they feel what I felt yesterday. I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.

17

2011-04-01T16:45:00.053+07:00

I turned 17 on March 30 yesterday. I feel so unproductive lately, like I lost my words, like too enjoy my world, like I wish nothing. Oh, can't even thank enough for the wishes, prayers, greetings, sayings, surprises, birthday cakes, kisses, hugs, or walls on Facebook, mentions on Twitter, or messages on BBM. You all really made my birthday. :')

Got surprise and lovely birthday cupcakes from Cile, Andri, Irfan, Ical, Fania, Nan. Then also got the 2nd surprise and big birthday cake from Andri & Irfan (again!), Bia, Dhira, Nanu, Nida, Sandy, Shanny, Vivi. And... Uh, makasih banyak yah udah dibikin sebel banget seharian. I love you.

I believe in pink.
I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest.
I believe that tomorrow is another day.
And, I believe in miracles.
― Audrey Hepburn

ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU <3

Environment

2011-03-23T21:56:00.118+07:00

One of my friends at Goethe-Institut once said to me,
"I always work for foreign people either 'A' or 'E'. With 'A', well... You may get no holiday and you have to do ALL of your boss' commands. And they don't wanna understand about your problem. In their head, the most important thing is you'll do what they want. But with 'E'... Oh, you'll fall in love with them. They are such a caring, nice, polite, independent, not hypocrite, understand about your problem, and have a great in taste and style, they talk less and do more, they play fair, they have a strong principle, they have good accent, and some of them are romantic, and..., and...,"

I started to think:
"You are where you live, and who you've been taught by."

There are several factors that affect a child's psychological condition, in my opinion, environment is the second after family. Let's pick a sample, my brother's friend is an Indonesian who grew up in a one of developed countries. Maybe he is not the best in his class now, but he is good, and looks different―in a good way―the way he talks, thinks, treats people, even the way he walks. It seems more confidence, a good public speaker―the most important thing that people must have. Anyway, I don't want to underestimate a developing country actually, no, not really, but now, open your eyes and look around. What do you get from it? If you don't change your mind from now, you will live like that. Think people, think, if you're only good at exacts subjects, don't think that you'll be a developed country person.

My parents, they really know the more they prohibit their children, the children will be worse. It works at me. They give me more freedom and this fear increases. I proudly say that I'm not a smoker, alcoholic, clubber, and I'm a virgin. I―sometimes―study till midnight when exam, then I don't really care if I get bad score, at least I've been worked out and I know everyone deserves a second chance. I'm not ashamed to admit my mistakes, but, I realized that I don't like critics. That's all.

Now, back to the environment where you live, and yourself.

Dear 3rd of March,

2011-03-13T10:57:00.022+07:00

I was empty. You swept all of my contents―or you usually called it as trashes. You've already started a new life. A better life that you hoped, with so many nice people around you, your dream next-year-college, many supports from your family and friends, and so on. Then, you suddenly feel blessed and realized how dumb you were for being not grateful all the time when you fell down. You may got hurt, loved, cried, laughed, but you have a very beautiful life. God loves you. Your life has no pressure and you always get what you―and your parents―want. Actually, you never know what you want. At least, you have something and they may envy you.

Love,
Schezariende